Writing, me and cerebral palsy

Fiction writer Keely O’Shaughnessy, one of our Arts Council supported mentees, blogs about what it’s like to be a writer living with a disability.

I have cerebral palsy (CP), a lifelong condition which I’ve had since birth. There’s no single cause of cerebral palsy, and there’s no way to know for certain, but for me, I was born prematurely and suffered birth-related complications, which most likely lead to injury of my developing brain.

I must admit that I was hesitant to write about how my disability has impacted on me as a writer. Partly because I’m not always sure I really encounter any barriers in writing based solely on my CP. That’s the joy of writing: it’s an escape from your physical self if you want it to be. All that really counts are the words on the page and the skill with which you can create vivid images and not much else.

But it’s also because I am good at avoiding my disability and I worried that I wasn’t really disabled enough to be talking about any struggles that I may have faced.

When you are part of a marginalised group, you are preconditioned to stay on the side-lines saying I’m sure nobody wants to hear about my life and troubles. And me for, as for many others, the barriers I actually face simply form part of my everyday life. I’m used to them. And I can downplay them too.

Thanks to my CP, I experience, muscle spasms, cramps, extreme fatigue and have very little balance as well as joint pain and migraines brought about by premature aging, which can prove interesting when trying to navigate a normal existence. A fact I only recently discovered is that people with cerebral palsy (I have to remind myself that’s me) use up to five times the amount of energy that an able-bodied person does when walking or moving about. And of course, my initial reaction to this was, “Wow five is a lot of times!” However, I was taught to suck it up and carry on, and this is what I do.

I write most days. Writing has always been a somewhat of a compulsion. Something that’s innate and even when I’m too tired to function or trying to bat away that need to write a story, the words will appear. Usually incomplete and muddled, but they will insist on gnawing at the back of my skull. The trickiest part is capturing them on paper. Having high spasticity writing by hand is a no go and computers are a godsend, although even when typing some inspiration can vanish before being written down and this is difficult.

Being honest about this, I also want to speak openly about being a disabled author in the writing world. I haven’t had barriers placed in my way but I’m aware that authors with other disabilities fight a continuous battle to be heard. Equally, I don’t often find myself writing about disabled characters, but I admire those who do as we strive for a world where differences are seen, appreciated and respected. Writer. Disabled. Disabled writer. We are all human trying to carve out a path and be understood. Disability isn’t a weakness.

Perhaps I have been hasty in thinking that I should stay voiceless. I consider myself ordinary: I’m married, I own a cat, have two jobs, I edit, I read, and I write. Yet, I think it is important to acknowledge that I also have a disability that, whether I like to admit it or not, does have an impact and play a role in who I am. And sometimes, it’s okay to say that I’m tired or in pain and finding the energy to be creative is hard.  

Keely O’Shaughessy was shortlisted for Mslexia’s 2013 Memoir Competition. She has been twice shortlisted in Retreats West contests and has writing forthcoming in the 2021 National Flash Fiction Day anthology and at Ellipsis Zine. She is currently the managing editor at Flash Fiction Magazine and has also edited at 101Words. Keely is being mentored by Mahsuda Snaith. You can follow her on Twitter @KeelyO_writer